Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
