I have demons in me.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
