After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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