What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
