while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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