grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
