Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize
