well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize