Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
