Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Too much gin, very little bucket
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
