I will die if light touches me.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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