you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
