Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
