If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
