i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
