My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize