soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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