The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
