Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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