you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
