I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
