Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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