you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
