I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
