It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
