i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
