Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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