I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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