What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it was like eating out sand paper
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
