How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
