She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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