Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
