just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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