I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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