belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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