everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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