for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
