weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
