You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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