im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
