you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am midnight drunk by noon
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
