If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
