He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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