Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
