dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
