I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
