I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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