Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
