sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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