I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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