I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
