It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You pole danced in your parka.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
