Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
