I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
