Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
worst night to have a conscience
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
