Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
