How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
