I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
