I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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