Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
