I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
