You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
