Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize