MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
