There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
