just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
