I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
