This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
