Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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