The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
