I am puke
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
