No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
