apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize