then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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