So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
