If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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