She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
