Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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