How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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