I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
