Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
