bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
