How'd it feel making her break her religion?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
