3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think your dad took our porno
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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