no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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