Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
