Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
