When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
