I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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