either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
