How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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