So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
