ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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